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How will being a homeowner impact my friendships?

Yesterday I received my mortgage denial letter from HSBC, I wouldn't bore you with the details but basically it cited my student loans as a reason for the denial. Fair enough. I was not angry.  I wasn't disappointed. I guess I just became accustomed to bad news.   And though my loan application is pending with another lender, I've been reflecting on my experiences over the last few months. There have been a lot of lessons learned along this home buying journey. One of those being that buying a home can be extremely stressful.

I had a very modest upbringing  and by no means did I grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth. I grew up seeing my parents and their families working.  When they had a goal they created steps to attend that goal. Similarly I have worked hard to achieve my goal of home ownership. Anyone who has really known me over the past five years knows the sacrifices I’ve made to achieve this long held goal of being a homeowner. And as I have been documenting over the last two months, the road to home ownership has been very difficult and emotional. I have been denied a mortgage and have faced several other setbacks that would have deterred anyone from buying a home. But I’m also very determined. I’m also stubborn. My point is, it has not been a cakewalk. With all the challenges that comes with searching for a home, going into contact, getting a commitment letter and getting to closing, I have also overlooked one important factor: how my new homeowner status would impact my friends.

Let me just say, I have a fairly good circle of friends, people I can call on in an emergency and vice versa.  However, I have selected to share my home buying journey with very few. Why? I wanted to keep it quiet until I had the keys in my hand. I didn’t want to be disappointed and likewise, I didn’t want to disappoint them. For the most part their feedback has been wonderful and supportive. However one of my friends has not shown me that same level of support. My friend, let’s call her Mary.  Mary and I have been friends for five years. We work for the same organization, and have many other similarities. As Mary was my friend, I shared with her my goal of one day buying a cooperative apartment. She was supportive of my goal, even went with me to several open houses over the years. Then earlier this year, I fell in love with a 2 bedroom apartment that ticked all the boxes on my “ideal apartment list” and even better, the coop was walking distance from my friend. I was happy. I was excited.

I showed Mary pictures of the home that I had taken with my cell phone camera. And she seemed happy for me, at the time. But then overtime her behavior became strange and distant. We no longer exchange text messages like we use to or ride the train together after work. We never exchanged an angry word to each other. The demise of our friendship is difficult to write about as I'm not 100% percent certain what has caused the change in her behavior. My educated guess is that she is angry at me, for what really? buying a home? I know it sounds ridiculous.  Has anyone else experiences this with their friends or a family member?

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